The Battle For the Leadership (Transcript)

A transcript of Season 22, The Battle For the Leadership.

Transcript #1
Captain Jake (Narrating): The Battle For the Leadership.

(Birds are chirping.)

Kwazii (sighing): Sure is a nice day.

Captain Jake: I know, K. There’s nothing like a walk in the park to make you feel relaxed.

Skully: Relaxing and boring. I mean we’ve been protecting this town like forever and still no baddies. I wonder why they haven’t shown up?

Kwazii: Good question, Skully. Maybe they have something else to do for a change...Oops! Oh!

Captain Jake: Kwaz! Are you alright?

Kwazii: Oh, yeah. Just a little trip. Huh? What’s this? (reads the sign) Maleficent’s Lair of Villains.

All: Uh oh.

(Water is draining to Maleficent’s lair.)

Maleficent: And so from then on, we will do things the more difficult way than easy way. Do you all understand me?

All: Yes, Maleficent.

(The floor is shaking.)

Jafar: What’s all the...

(Water sweeps the villains away.)

Hades (Coughing): What’s with all the water, Maleficent?

Maleficent: I’m not sure, but I’m going to get to the bottom of this.

(Meanwhile...)

Kwazii: Are you sure this was an accident?

Captain Jake: Don't worry K. I'm sure everything's going to be...

Maleficent: When I find out who's been soaking my lair, I'm going to rip them, and burn them, and torture them, and fix them up so I'll do the ripping, burning, and torture on them again!

Cubby: Yikes!

Kwazii: Look. Stay calm and let me talk to (Maleficent appears out of nowhere)...Maleficent. (talks to Maleficent) Umm...I thought you and the other villains were taking a break from doing evil for a day!

Maleficent: Oh, we were, until someone had to turn in the sewer drain that led to our lair.

Skully: Do you think she’s talking about us?

Kwazii: She is, and turning on the drain was my fault.

Maleficent: So it was an accident in the middle of my villain speech.

Captain Drake: We were in the middle of her speech, but now thanks to you guys, we’ve all gotten soaked, (grabs Kwazii's chest) so what are you gonna so about it? (growls)

Captain Jake: Take it easy, Drake.

Skully: Sheesh! Looks like someone got wet on the wrong side of the day.

Izzy: But you can’t blame him for being upset. We did get them wet.

Cubby: And a villain takes great care of their lairs and houses like us, but once their old lairs are destroyed, they can't go back there unless it can be fixed.

Skully: (whistled) I feel real bad for you, Kwaz.

Captain Drake: If the pussycat's the reason we’re wet, I say we’ll deal with all of them...the hard way.

(Drake lights his hook on fire which makes the Disney Junior Club yelp.)

Maleficent: Drake, control yourself! I’ll handle this.

Captain Drake: Fine, Maleficent.

Maleficent: Now that our lair is flooded, we’re going to need to spend somewhere for the night. Any ideas?

Kwazii: Don't worry, Maleficent. I’ve got a few ideas we can try.

Captain Drake: A few?! (groans)

Maleficent (snarls her teeth): Drake.

Kwazii: It's only few, and we'll make sure there's plenty agreeing for everyone.

Maleficent: Everyone, you say?

Kwazii: That's the only apology I've got, Maleficent.

Maleficent: Hmm, we'll see. (turns to her villains) I'm just going out for a talk, everyone, so stay here until I get back.

Captain Drake: Stay here? But...(Maleficent cuts him off) Yeah, okay Maleffy. Whatever you say.

Maleficent: That's good, and don't you ever forget.

(Maleficent, Kwazii, and his friends make their leave, but then...)

Captain Drake: Okay, they're gone. Now here's how it's really going down, everyone. We're gonna leave this soaking wet rock and find us a nice lair of our own.

Captain Hook: But...I thought Maleficent said...

Captain Drake: Maleficent, sh-Maleficent. Listen up, we are villains. We don't give orders from heroes, other villains, or anyone else. We will take what we want, and I want all of us to cause chaos.

Negaduck: Yeah...(pulls up a blowtorch) He's right.

Romeo: Yeah, and we shouldn't do what everyone tell us what to do.

Captain Drake: So I say "What are doing here, when we should go out, and get all crazy"! Now, who's with me?

Maleficent's villains: We are!

Captain Drake: Then there's one only one thing to say..."Tonight, we strike"!

Tonight We Strike (Transcript)
Captain Drake:

When you live in a world

that is phasic and cruel

then don't ask us about it

Because everyone is a fool.

Villain chorus:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah

Captain Drake:

We go where we want when we want to

and we're mean

yes we're as we're please

then Kwazii can't give us the curfew

Negaduck and Romeo:

Or tell us to move out of the way.

Villain chorus:

No!

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike

no one's safe while we are bad

the entire world is going to feel our wrath

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah

Captain Drake:

So, before the heroes get back

to ruin our plans for all

we'll make feel unsteady

then a giant cause to alarm

Villain chorus:

Yeah!

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike

no one's safe while we are bad

the entire world is going to feel our wrath

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah

Captain Drake:

Perfect, everyone. I'm loving it. Now we know the plan...

While the innocents are in their business

we'll be creeping beside

and just like a rolling lightning

we'll trick them off by surprise

Captain Drake and chorus (together):

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike

no one's safe while we're bad

the entire world is going to feel our wrath

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike

Captain Drake:

Tonight we'll strike

Where nobody's safe

Villain chorus:

the entire world is going to feel our wrath

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike

Captain Drake:

The entire world's going to feel our wrath!

Captain Drake and chorus (together):

Tonight we strike,

Tonight we strike!

Transcript #2
Maleficent: It's only a matter of time before everyone goes crazy over each other.

Izzy: Boy, they sure have been talking for a while.

Kwazii: You don't to tell me twice, and I thought they're talking about me.

Skully: Nah, they're probably more worried about the villains and less about you getting hurt.

Kwazii: Well, yeah, but it's my fault for turning on the sewer drain and made the villains wet. What if I'm the main course for the villains, or what if they force me to do everything they tell me?! I'm going mad! Somebody slap me with something...(gets slapped in the face with an oar) Thanks.

Cubby: Don't mention it.

Captain Jake: Skully, I need you.

Skully: What is it that you need?

Captain Jake: Think you could fly up and see if you can find the perfect spot?

Skully: Aye aye.

(Skully flies off to find the perfect spot for the villains.)

Kwazii: Hope we do find a good spot for Maleficent and her gang.

Maleficent: Thanks a lot kids I'm just glad we've settled this peacefully.

(Skully looks around until...)

Skully: Huh?

Luna Girl: (sigh) This is the life.

Night Ninja: You said it. Well come on keep it up! All the stuff’s not going to move themselves, you know.

(Kion and his family are struggling when Skully notices.)

Skully: Oh crackers, oh crackers!

Negaduck: Kinda relaxing, ah?

Romeo: You sure said it.

Skully: I've gotta tell everyone. (swoops down) Guys, it's the villains! They’ve moved into places and kicked out whosever's in there!

Maleficent: What?! I know I want to settle this peacefully, but this is going too much, and I think I know who's doing this. (grabs her staff) I have to go. We will discuss this later.

Kwazii: Maleficent, hold on! I think we are very close to a solution, so let's sit back, relax and let Jay and the others handle this.

Maleficent: (groans) Fine.

Captain Jake: Let's split, everyone!

Captain Jake's crew: Aye aye, Captain!

(Meanwhile, Drake almost shoots an oryx, leaving the others in shock.)

Captain Drake: That was a warning.

Stealthy: I like our watering hole, Master.

Camoflauge: So do I. It's cozy.

Captain Drake: Ah come on, how else am I supposed to get water for you? Now where was...(an oryx whines because Drake is standing on him) Oh, yeah. This is my crocodile hole and for the ones who don't like this idea. Let me show you what I can help with.

Captain Jake: That's enough, Drake! Leave the oryxes alone or there's gonna be trouble.

Captain Drake: It's our place now, brother, and I'm going to explain my anger one or another. (is about to strike the oryx, but is blocked by Captain Jake's mighty captain’s sword which pushs him as Captain Jake landed on his back) Okay, that's it. (tries to put his hook through his brother) Now I'm angry.

Maleficent: DRAKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Captain Drake: What you should've told us to do. I'm helping everyone get what they want.

Maleficent: Against my orders! You knew I was talking to the kids to get help!

Transcript #3
Kwazii: There. Now all the villains have a quiet place to live... I hope.

Captain Jake: Relax, K. Everything’s going to be fine.

Captain Drake: Ya think so?

Izzy: I know. It’s...a little crowded, Drake, but it's really good spot.

Ending Transcript
Captain Drake: What’s the matter, Maleffy? Stuck in your own trap?

Maleficent (breaths heavily but stops): Kwazii’s gone. Hm, fine.

(Maleficent taps Drake, and all the Disney villains celebrate his victory.)

Negaduck and Romeo: Drake! Drake! Drake! Drake!

All Disney villains: Drake! Drake! Drake! Drake!

Maleficent: (laughs at the audience) You fools, this whole battle means nothing to me. While you idiots were watching the two of us fight, my loyal friends took down the cowardly Kwazii Cat, and now that he’s gone, all of you will answer to me!

Kwazii: Really? Because that doesn’t sound like how that happened.

Maleficent: What?! But— How did...